Deadly Cruise: A Humorous Cruise Ship Cozy Mystery (Cruise Ship Cozy Mysteries Book 7)

  Deadly Cruise

  A.R. Winters

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Untitled

  Sneak Peak: A Berry Deadly Welcome

  Chapter Two

  Deadly Cruise

  Copyright 2019 by A. R. Winters

  www.arwinters.com

  This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only.

  This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental.

  Chapter One

  The Swan of the Seas was beginning to feel like an old friend. For the seventh time, I was back on board, ready to kick off another cruise. No longer was it a strange, imposing leviathan of the ocean, but instead, it felt more like home. Not home home, but somewhere familiar that felt like an aunt’s embrace each time I boarded for another adventure.

  We were below deck in the largest staff meeting room, and as always when we were down here there was the distant but ever-present smell of oil and the hum of the ship’s engines, which were bigger than the house I grew up in.

  “Excited?” asked Sam, giving me a nudge. She was my best friend from back home who had followed me on my new adventure on the high seas—well, the Gulf of Mexico and the Caribbean, anyway. I wasn’t sure if they counted as “high” seas or just regular seas.

  “You know it,” I said to her.

  “Shoot, shoot, shoot,” came a voice over the speakers.

  Sam, Cece, and I all looked at each other. Cece made up the third and final member of our tight-knit friend group. She was about a decade younger than us and worked as a housekeeper while she saved up for her college living expenses. I wasn’t sure if she’d ever make it off the ship though. She liked the lifestyle too much.

  “I guess our cruise director is in the middle of another disaster,” said Cece.

  She was referring to the shoot, shoot, shoot we’d just heard. It was Kelly Cline, Cruise Director, who seemed to stumble from one disaster to another every day of her life. Somehow, she still managed to get her job done and keep the ship’s events running semi-smoothly, even when disaster struck—which was often aboard this particular ship.

  “How do I turn this thing on?” came Kelly’s voice again over the speaker.

  We still hadn’t seen her yet. The meeting room was crowded with all the members of the cruise staff, as well as many of the crew from the ship’s other departments. We were all crammed together for a pre-departure meeting. Kelly was somewhere at the front of the room, off the stage, getting ready.

  “It is on!” yelled Cece from beside me.

  I winced and covered my ears. Cece had a set of lungs on her that could compete with the ship’s horn. At least that’s what it felt like when she hollered right next to you.

  “THANK YOU!” Kelly’s high-pitched yell was amplified by the array of speakers set into the ceiling. “SHOOT!” Then, her voice went a little quieter. “Sorry, everyone! Be with you in a minute.”

  “So what do you think? Smooth sailing this time?” asked Sam.

  “I sure hope so. Ethan deserves a break—if normal duties can be called a break—after the last few weeks.” Ethan was my… boyfriend? Well, he was the ship’s first officer, head of security, and the guy I was dating.

  “How was your leave together?” asked Cece.

  I sighed and shook my head. Cece’s expression turned dark, and if Ethan had been nearby, I would have worried for his safety. Luckily, Sam was up to speed and gave Cece a rundown.

  “They went on a couple of dates, but Ethan’s father got sick again and he had to take off.”

  Cece’s expression softened and she squeezed my knee. “You and Hot Stuff never seem to get a moment together.” Hot Stuff was the nickname my friends and I had for Ethan, from before we’d started dating. He’d earned the moniker by being the kind of uniformed man who some people—i.e., me—found appealing in a no-nonsense kind of way.

  He and I had enjoyed a few romantic moments together, but not enough. When on board, there always seemed to be one disaster or another that kept us working our already demanding jobs overtime, and during shore leave his father’s health had been keeping him away more often than not. But still, things were progressing between us, if slowly.

  There was a loud click-clack, click-clack from the stage. All three of us, and every other assembled staff member, turned our gazes forward. Kelly was finally there, and her sensitive microphone was picking up the sound of her high heels as she walked across the stage.

  Today, Kelly was dressed like a pink paint factory exploded. She had on a form-hugging hot-pink dress, bright pink heels, several pink bracelets on her wrists, and her black hair had two pink bows in it.

  “Hi everyone!” she said excitedly, her earlier disasters forgotten for the time being.

  There were noises of acknowledgment from the audience, but none as chipper as the cruise director’s tone.

  “I’ll try to keep it short.” She paused, and I started to think it was a kind of joke—like she was going to drag out a simple sentence and keep it anything but short. “Because you hate long meetings.”

  “She’s got that right,” whispered Cece.

  “As you no doubt have heard—or have seen—we’re having an extra-special themed cruise this time.”

  But every cruise was special. There was always some group of professionals or hobbyists using our ship for their activities, be it photography or a beauty pageant, celebrity chefs or—

  “Movies! Thanks to the classic film distributor Gilt and Gold Movies, we’re going to have a cinematic treat on this cruise! From Hollywood’s Golden Age, right up to the horror B-movies of the ‘70s, we’re all going to be participating this time. The theme is ship-wide!” Kelly clapped her hands together in enthusiastic applause. A few of us joined in, without quite as much energy. While a ship-wide theme sounded fun, it had the potential to cause all kinds of extra work.

  I glanced at my friends. Like me, Sam was clapping without enthusiasm, while Cece just stared with a skeptical look. Of course we already knew about the general theme of the cruise from company emails, but we hadn’t heard all the details. Or any details, come to think of it.

  “So, the ship is going to be divided up into different areas with different movie themes. There’s going to be a drive-in at the pool deck—”

  “Drive-in at the pool?” said Cece, cocking her head. “They should call it a dive-in.”

  I smacked her on the arm for the appalling pun. She acknowledged she deserved it with a smirk back at me.

  “—Westerns, romantic comedies, detective flicks and more. And that’s not all!”

  “Uh-oh,” said Sam in excited anticipation. Or maybe it was mild concern.
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  “We’re making some minor additions and adjustments to your uniforms. The pool boys are going to get a coin apron like they’re a carhop. Some of you are going to get cowboy—or—a” Kelly held up a hand to make us wait. With a noisy click-clack, she walked off the stage, grabbed something, and hurried back up. “Cowgirl costumes.” Kelly slapped a Stetson onto her head.

  The room erupted in laughter. Kelly was pretty small, and she clearly hadn’t tried on the hat before going onto the stage. When she put the Stetson on, the hat sank down on her diminutive head, completely covering her eyes.

  “Oh, shoot!”

  Kelly reached a hand to the back of the hat and yanked it down, tilting it so that the front of the brim angled up and she could see.

  The audience clapped and cheered, and Kelly beamed out at them. As the hat began to descend over her eyes again, she flipped it off the back of her head to leave it hanging by its string behind her neck.

  “Yours will hopefully fit better.”

  “Let me guess… I’m going to get an old-fashioned maid’s costume that’s going to make me feel like it’s a million degrees,” complained Cece.

  “If you do, you could always dig out that other one…” said Sam.

  On a previous cruise, Kelly had accidentally ordered a maid’s costume for Cece that looked like it came out of a lingerie catalog. Cece had taken a shine to it, though of course she was forbidden to wear it where cruise passengers could see.

  “Nah,” said Cece with a wicked grin. “No one would watch any movies—they’d all just want to stare at me.”

  Despite her arrogance, there was some truth to it. She had looked very fetching in the scanty outfit.

  “You’ll also be excited to know, that we’re going to get to try out some classic recipes from the past. Baked Alaska, ham and pineapple, Snickers salad, and more!”

  “There’s a reason those dishes aren’t popular anymore,” said Cece with a frown.

  Little did she know. It sounded like typical fare at a potluck dinner in the small Nebraska town where Sam and I were from. Dishes of the past? Not for us.

  “One more announcement. Unfortunately, due to a flooding incident, the nightclub Casanova’s is going to be closed for the rest of this cruise. New furniture has been ordered and will be installed next time we’re in port.”

  Cece stood up, an outraged look on her face.

  “Boo! This is unacceptable!”

  Sam and I turned to look at her.

  “Sit down!” I hissed.

  “Boo!” shouted Cece again.

  Kelly stared at our little section for several seconds, a look of mild confusion on her face. Presumably, she hadn’t expected any of the staff to be serious fans of the nightclub. She clearly didn’t know Cece well enough yet. When she was sure we—by which I mean Cece—had settled down, she continued her presentation.

  “In a minute, I’m going to put your preparation assignments up on the screen.” Kelly peered behind her to confirm that, yes, there was a drop-down white screen ready.

  “We’ve got less than a day, so let’s all work hard!” She raised a fist into the air and stared out at us, as if expecting us all to do the same in solidarity. While I wasn’t going to copy her move, I did start a round of applause instead, which spread through the rest of the staff.

  Kelly explained some of the other aspects of the movie cruise after the clapping died down. When she finally put up the work assignments, I was pleased to see that Cece, Sam and I were all going to be working together “unpacking.” While it didn’t sound particularly fun, at least I’d get to be with my friends.

  Once the real work started, I’d be back to being a lone wolf. As the ship’s social media manager, I spent most of my time on my own, searching for exciting and interesting things to photograph and share online. With this cruise’s costumes and theme, it sounded like there would be plenty for me to capture this time.

  “Have a great cruise, everyone! Now, let’s get to work!” Kelly finished her speech with enthusiastic clapping again, and the rest of us dutifully joined in. Sam, Cece, and I stuck together as we shuffled out.

  We were supposed to go to the Grand Ballroom to find these boxes of decorations and memorabilia and get them ready to be distributed and displayed across the ship.

  “Excited about the theme?” asked Cece as the three of us trudged up some stairs. With the big rush of people, we had decided not to wait for a crowded elevator to take us up.

  “Yes!” I said a little too loudly and with a little too much enthusiasm.

  Cece and Sam both stared at me, and then realization dawned on Sam’s face.

  “I know why she’s so excited,” Sam said to our housekeeper friend.

  “Why?” asked Cece.

  “Because First Officer Hot Stuff is into classic movies. That’s why she’s excited.”

  “Lame,” said Cece with a smirk.

  “I’m right, aren’t I?” said Sam, poking me in the arm.

  “Uh-huh.” It was true. I didn’t know much about movies, not until recently, but Ethan had told me about his own love for classic films and it had sparked my interest too.

  We had even planned for a massive classic movie marathon during shore leave, but that plan had failed to materialize after Ethan’s father got sick. But maybe during this cruise…

  “Stop daydreaming. We’ve got work to do. I’m sure you’ll see him soon.”

  “I wasn’t…” I didn’t bother to finish, because I was daydreaming and we did have work to do.

  We arrived at the Grand Ballroom. With almost no people there, it actually felt smaller than when it was crowded. It had a ceiling three times higher than most rooms on the ship from which hung elaborate chandeliers, and at the front of the room was a stage. There were dozens of tables and chairs stacked up along the walls for when it was used for dining, and in the middle of the room were piles of boxes and packages of all sizes.

  “Whoa, what’s this one? I want to open it!”

  Cece was standing in front of a box that stood taller than she was, though much wider and—although I would never say it—a bit thinner.

  Since the boxes all contained decorations and props, I wasn’t particularly excited. Bigger boxes meant more hassle as far as I was concerned. Meanwhile, Cece seemed to be staring at the giant brown package like a little girl at Christmas. I wondered if she was confused and thought the contents were for us.

  “Open it and let’s see,” said Sam.

  “Woo!” Cece started ripping open the top of the bulky package, leaning against it with her hip. “Give me a hand.”

  There was something large inside, and so Cece and I both reached in and grabbed it while Sam pulled the rest of the box away from the contents we were holding.

  “Looks like a picture!” said Cece.

  My hands gripped the outer edge where I could feel a wooden outline, and then glass underneath on one side and a wooden back on the other.

  Sam tossed the box away, and soon the three of us were standing in front of a giant movie poster. Not as giant as a billboard, of course, but one that could proudly be placed inside a large movie theater and still catch the eye.

  We leaned the frame up against a wall and stood back so we could admire it. The poster looked to be from the 1970s, for some kind of horror movie.

  “Ooh. Penultimate Victim. That sounds awesome,” said Cece as we read the title of the movie.

  “Starring Zoya Maxwell, whoever she is,” said Sam.

  “I think… I think she’s on this cruise, actually,” I said.

  Sam and Cece gave me quizzical looks.

  “Didn’t you guys even read the email? She’s one of our guests of honor. She was big in the seventies.”

  “And she’s still alive?” said Cece, raising her eyebrows in surprise.

  “The seventies weren’t that long ago,” I said.

  “Before my mom was born,” said Cece with a shrug.

  Both my mouth and Sam’s fell open. We
knew Cece was about a decade younger than us, but when she put it like that, it sure made us feel old. Our parents had all been born in the early sixties.

  “Sure was a different era.” Sam ran an appraising eye over the poster again. Her mouth was pulled into a mild scowl as she looked at the picture.

  In the poster, Zoya was wearing tiny Daisy Duke shorts and a bikini top. Her blemish-free tanned skin was streaked with blood. Zoya held a hatchet in one hand and a handgun in the other. She was facing away from the camera so we couldn’t see her face, and her thick, straight, and shiny blonde hair hung down to the small of her back.

  In the background of the poster, where Zoya’s character was looking, there were two menacing red eyes peering out from the darkness. But the viewer’s gaze was drawn to Zoya’s suntanned skin and clothing that seemed completely inappropriate for the business of fighting off a serial killer or whatever the movie was about.

  “We’ve got to put this poster somewhere everyone can see it,” said Cece as she stepped back to admire it some more. “Everyone’s going to want their picture taken with it.” Cece held the poster in higher regard than Sam.

  “Are they, though?” asked Sam. For some reason, she didn’t seem enthused by the chance to have her picture taken with a scantily-clad woman, even if it was a classic from another era.

  “How’s it going?” Kelly appeared behind us. As soon as she finished her greeting, she started clapping her hands together as she admired the poster. “How wonderful!”

  “Isn’t it?” said Cece. “I was just saying we should set it up so people could have their picture taken with it.”

  “Fantastic idea! When Zoya arrives, we can ask her if she can do some photo sessions. People could have a photo of themselves between the old poster and the Zoya of today.”